Unfortunately, it has also become something of a curiosity for a few. Rather sadly, these few monitor it not out of friendship, but only spite and maliciousness. I’ve actually known about this for some time, and have even been urged by the few friends who knew to shut the blog down. I resisted out of my own sense of defiance, I suppose, and a genuine sense of incredulousness. Plus, I’ve been bullied and intimidated long enough, and I had no intention of allowing that to continue. Enough is enough. How ironic it is that the person ultimately responsible for both those past issues as well as my current predicament is one in the same. Ironic, but not surprising.

But I can’t write to anyone about anything when I know such vile pettiness is looking over my shoulder, waiting only to strike. I’ve found great release, fun, creative expression and even joy in posting to this site over the past year+. But now, it’s being distorted for something far less joyful.

I didn’t come to this decision lightly, not by any stretch. In fact, I resent the hell out of it. I’ve found this blog to be therapeutic and in many ways, a daily (or semi-daily) journal during my time as a student. It’s also given me the opportunity to post information about issues of great concern to me, such as veterans care and advocacy, PTSD and more, like my love for American history and all kinds of music. I’ve posted some of my opinions about the war in Iraq – not always “popular” positions, but mine, nonetheless – and other current events. I’ve received comments and e-mails from people who share some of those same concerns and interests. That’s been a wonderful part of this.

But one of the most important things about the blog has (or had) been the fact that I was looking forward to sharing it with Jack one day, in the hope that he might glean some understanding of what my goals and dreams have been during this time, not only for me, but for us. I know it’s only a daily journal, really; the Magna Carta it ain’t. But most journals, and now blogs, are not. Still, they’re personal and expressive. And for me, I hoped that it would one day help Jack to gain even a little deeper understanding as to why I chose the path I did for our future, and why I’ve felt so committed to it and determined to do well.

Those choices have not been made for myself alone. But those who know and love me, know that.

So despite my reluctance, and sadness, for now I’ll have to say “Adios.”

When and if I begin a new blog, those whom I know, and trust, and love, will be given the information on where they can find me. I do intend to begin a new one. One thing’s clear, though: it’ll be damn private, preferably with a cyber lock and key, to keep the ignorant and small-minded at bay.

And oh, BTW: 3.97 cumulative for this 17-credit quarter. And I will never … have … to do it … again.

It’s been more than fun, folks. Bye for now.

Assuming I’ve passed all my courses (yes, I’ll pass), I’ll be a senior. Yeah, I know – woo-hoo. Still, it’s a good feeling. Then three quarters to go and one huge personal goal will have been achieved – an even better feeling.

I’ve got an end-of-quarter get-together with a couple of friends this evening (a now regular thing) and a graduation party tomorrow night, at which Jack will no doubt be one of the hits of the party, since he’ll be going with me. It should be fun, and I’m looking forward to both.

Jack had his own end of the school year picnic today with his class. Despite the grey weather, they had lots of fun. Jack made a couple of new friends from preschool classes other than his own.

The photo is of Jack and his friends, Nicholas (in a giant Jack hug) and JJ (probably Jack’s best bud at school).

Have a great weekend, everybody. I’ll have Jack-Jack on Saturday and then he goes to his dad’s for Father’s Day.

Note to e-mail writers out there: Replies are on this weekend’s to-do list!

]]> http://tbearly.wordpress.com/2008/06/12/annnnnnnd-done/feed/ 0 tbearly http://tbearly.wordpress.com/2008/06/03/mom-and-finals/ http://tbearly.wordpress.com/2008/06/03/mom-and-finals/#comments Wed, 04 Jun 2008 07:46:17 +0000 tbearly http://tbearly.wordpress.com/?p=291 ]]> Mostly this is a posting to say that I’ve been thinking a lot of my mom, as she passed away 2 years ago today. So it’s been a particularly reflective day, even amongst all the end-of-quarter hubbub.

Having been an undergrad and grad student and then professor, I know Mom understood this time in a student’s life rhythms as well as anyone.

Mark and I went to place beautiful red roses near her urn today. It was really nice, actually, to have the chance to just sit and breathe, and reflect on her for a while, despite all the deadlines.

I love you, Mom. I miss you. But I’m listening to Nat King Cole as I write this, and thinking of the myriad ways in which I will always remember you, as mother, teacher, student, life-long learner, fisherwoman, outdoorswoman, Catholic, Christian, patriot, fellow history buff and classic movie lover, friend.

(And hopefully, I’ll be able to report to you a decent quarter’s grades in a couple of weeks! LOL… I’m sure you’d love that.)

And here, for all of you, is one of my mom’s favorite “sit and relax” pieces of music, from Ennio Morricone’s beautiful score to The Mission (1986).

]]> http://tbearly.wordpress.com/2008/06/03/mom-and-finals/feed/ 1 tbearly Mom at Cape Cod, 1983, while a Ph.D. candidate at Boston College http://tbearly.wordpress.com/2008/05/26/memorial-day-2008/ http://tbearly.wordpress.com/2008/05/26/memorial-day-2008/#comments Mon, 26 May 2008 08:15:19 +0000 tbearly http://tbearly.wordpress.com/?p=290 ]]> Another year on. Five+ years into yet another foray into failed diplomacy, among other, more sinister things.

Still, this gives us another chance to reflect on something of imminently greater importance than just how many hot dog buns should be picked up at Costco for this year’s “Kickoff to Summer!” barbecue.

What I will reflect upon, instead, is my profound gratitude to the servicepeople who have, during this past year, given everything that was in their power to give.

And their families. Let us never forget those whose lives have been forever changed by that ultimate of sacrifices.

I will observe the 3 PM “Moment of Silence,” and Remembrance, for all those who have lost their lives in service to this country.

Wherever you may be, please do take a moment to remember. We may all espouse the rights, and demands, and particular preclusions of liberty. In the end, they have died for them.

Consider the following to be an addendum to my Memorial Day, 2007 posting; God willing, there will be fewer of these in the future.

The Memorial Day postings will continue, however. It should be our collective privilege to remember.

*******

U.S. Forces Wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan, to 23 May 2008: 32,076

Coalition Forces Killed in Action in Iraq, Memorial Day 2007 – 23 May 2008: 647

Coalition Forces Killed in Action in Afghanistan, Memorial Day 2007 – 23 May 2008: 220

*******

I’ve been meaning to put this up for the past month, since the day it came out, but have been short of time for posting anything, of late (I suppose one post about every 10 days kinda illustrates that, huh).

In any case, the RAND Corporation – the nation’s largest policy-analyzing, reporting-to-the-Office-of-the-Secretary-of-Defense, (rather clannish) group – recently released a report on estimates for the prevalence of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other conditions among OIF/OEF veterans. This is the most extensive report of its kind to date; the entire thing runs 500 pages.

I’ve downloaded that, and have even begun to read through it, believe it or not (makes for some real light reading), but will instead post the 19-page summary, here.

The estimates are not pretty. In fact, they’re rather horrifying. It is being predicted, conservatively, that 18-22% of veterans from this war will suffer from PTSD, major depression and/or traumatic brain injury (TBI) or mTBI (the “mild” version). Further, there is a high incidence of co-morbidity among these conditions.

Either way, “one-in-five” is a staggering ratio.

I just wanted to put something up that really means something. If you have even 20 minutes to browse through this, to see what these hundreds of thousands of young men and women will be grappling with and going through in the years to come, then please – take that amount of time to familiarize yourself with this. Just over half the personnel who have deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan over the past five years – that’s more than 800,00 people, folks – are between the ages of 20 and 29, and this war will be affecting them for, presumably, the greater portion of their lives.

The upshot is that we, as a nation, will need to begin to deal with this war, whether some of us want to or not.

I’m off to bed. Time to try and get refreshed for another day of reading, writing, researching (about things such as this, and more) and feeling grateful that I have a wonderful and special son whom I adore (and who WOWS me every day with his special brand of sweetness) as well as supportive and loving people in my life.

G’night.

Wanted to let y’all know I’m alive, kicking, going a little nuts with 17 credits (did I expect anything else?), but it’s a good nuts. My classes are pretty good, for the most part, and I’m feeling a little more energized than I was at the beginning of the quarter, when I felt something more along the lines of, WhatthehellamIdoingtheseinaneassignmentsfor, whenallIreallywanttodoisgetthehelloutthereandfuckingworkforveterans?! But everything in its own time – I know that. I just had to get over the hump, I guess.

The presentation on TBI and PTSD gave me an assist with that in a BIG way, actually. I am so glad I was able to attend. I learned as much, and more, than I was hoping. As much as anything, that one day helped re-focus and remind me of just what I’m really doing in school, and what I’m finishing the degree for.

The early morning drive up to Leavenworth was beautiful, as well, and it gave me some Me time. Well, Me and John Denver, that is (gotta have his tunes when driving into the mountains. Some things will never change!). My current banner photo is one I took from the deck of the hotel where the conference was being held. It was a gorgeous Spring day and the mountains were covered in snow. The Hills were definitely ALIVE that day.

And… HAPPY MOM’S DAY TO ALL YOU WONDERFUL MAMAs OUT THERE! Take a break for just a little while from your motherly duties, cares, and stresses. C’mon… you know you deserve it.

Jack and I are going to sample what the opening Sunday of this season’s farmer’s market at Third Place Books has to offer. It being Mother’s Day and the first day of the season, it should be kinda fun for the two of us (barring a downpour). I’m making a concerted effort to buy more locally-grown produce, and would like for Jack to one day understand why (guess the Tree Class made a dent, eh Steph?). If you haven’t yet, check out the book I recommended from last quarter, Deep Economy by Bill McKibben. If you haven’t really thunk about all this stuff before, this book will get your mind going and your ass moving – hopefully with a smaller ass(foot)print to show for it.

A very proud, albeit brief, Mama moment. Just had to share.

Who knew?

I dunno. Just had to post that. There’s a rather extensive Web site devoted to just this cause. Go get ‘em, guys.

Beyond that, lessee… I’m deep into work for all of my courses, and while very busy, I’m enjoying the work. Yesterday I got to lead my small group discussion in my Politics of Sex Ed class on the textbook chapters covering ‘Body Image’ and ‘Solo Sex/Masturbation/Fantasy.’ (it’s amazing just how much a group of women, who barely know each other, can share in an hour). That was pretty interesting, actually. Ah, well… at least now, I get to sit back and watch the rest of my group take their turns. It’s been a good class. We’re going to be putting on a Sex Fair on campus toward the end of May, and I’m in the group organizing speakers and info (for a booth) related to sex ed and WA state policy, while others will handle the “Masturbation Station,” the Goodies Table, sex talk, blah blah blah… all sorts of fun stuff. But my prof thought I’d be great in this group and could lead it – yeah… thanks, Kari! Others get to write surveys on sexual health, and I get to research state policy. But as Mom used to say, “Go with your strengths.”

One thing’s for sure: this ain’t your mama’s college experience no more. Sex Fairs and Dildos and ClapTalk, OH MY!

Also, this coming Thursday, I’ll be attending the day’s events at the annual conference for the Washington Association on Postsecondary Education and Disability (WAPED – say that 10x fast…) up in Leavenworth, WA. The reason? An entire day’s panel discussions devoted to TBI and PTSD as it relates to veterans enrolling in or returning to college: “The Returning Disabled Veteran: TBI and PTSD Across Contexts,” with a special presentation from a clinical neuropsychologist in the field of veterans’ care. I was fortunate enough to be invited by our Veterans Coordinator (also the association’s president) at UWB (and, to be fair, to have Jack’s dad agree to pick him up from daycare that afternoon).

I cannot WAIT. I know that that probably sounds like a dull-as-dirt day for most of y’all, but for me, it’ll be right up my particular alley. I’ve truly found my calling. I can just devour this stuff and find it fascinating and infuriating, all at the same time. But also, motivating. Nothing else has ever motivated me so much; that much goes without saying. Traumatic stress and combat-related PTSD care are just part of it, though, albeit a large part. But there’s also a part of me that wishes I could find a job, even just for a while, in the field of veterans advocacy and policy – the reasons I began thinking about wanting to do this work in the first place. Well… who knows, right? The critical part of it is that I find a way to serve the veteran community with the skills I have, as somewhat dorky as that may sound. But that’s the way I look at it. As ever, each to their own… and I finally found “my own.”

In any case, I’m sure I’ll learn an incredible amount from the day’s presentations, beyond what I can in the books and journal articles I read (yeah, I’m a really fun date, LOL).

I’m still putting together the blog devoted to veterans care, BTW. But I do work on it, bit by bit. I’m looking forward to getting it up, and to having a place dedicated solely to just that information.

I hope everyone is well. I’m heading to bed after hours’ worth of research.

And remember to do your part: Stamp out any mosquitoes you might find today!

There was last Saturday spent with — well, “with” — the Dalai Lama. As I’d mentioned in my last post, I was going to be fortunate enough to get to go see him, and I did. And was that ever a cool day. Not temperature-wise, as it was unseasonably warm, a gorgeous Seattle spring day (Paris and I both kept chasing shade in Qwest Field – her even more than me, I swear!). But the multitudes did indeed come out to hear what His Holiness had to say, and they were well behaved and peaceful, appreciative and energetic. One of the things I loved about his speaking style was that it was broken up often with laughter, and when he was done it was a rather abrupt, “Nice-to-have-been-here-and…GOODNIGHT!” sorta deal. Like he had wandered in, said what happened to be on his mind – the theme of this five-day trip was ‘Seeds of Compassion’ – and then simply stopped talking when he thought the audience had endured enough. Very humble. Very peaceful.

Not a difficult way for me to go to my Zen place.

Then today was another cool day, but for a completely different reason. This afternoon – back to the misty, cool grey of a typical Seattle spring day – I attended a presentation on OIF/OEF veterans issues at Edmonds Community College, given by the executive director of Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America (IAVA), Paul Rieckhoff, founder and OIF veteran. It’s part of IAVA’s “College Tour” program, as they’re trying to reach out to communities across the country on behalf of this generation of veterans, to speak about their unique needs, such as a completely overhauled GI Bill of Rights (gaining momentum in both Houses, with an actual chance of passing this session), further funding of TBI research and — hello! — mental health professionals of all stripes to handle what is anticipated to be the largest influx of veterans into the VA system since WWII. I’ve been enormously impressed with IAVA’s approach and their effectiveness in just the four short years of their existence, so it was indeed wonderful for me to be able to meet Paul after the presentation and speak with him some about these issues and about my passion for them.

All things being equal, IAVA is the type of organization I would give my eye teeth to work for, as they do have an office now in D.C. as well (headquartered in NY) and hire advocates and policy people to push their agenda on Capitol Hill. I would love, love, love to do that for even just a few years. But they’re on the wrong coast, damn them. Ah, well… we’ll see what I can do from here.

If you haven’t yet checked out their organization, please spare just a couple of minutes of your day and go to IAVA’s site now (I also have one of their banners on my right-hand rail). Take just a few moments out to read up on some of the issues that at least 1.5 million professional, devoted and courageous men and women in this country are and will be facing in the years to come.

There are moments when I just gotta do my spiel. I get very passionate about this stuff, as most of y’all know by now.

And that’s about it from here, for now. A few very cool days, with a couple of very different, yet very cool dudes.

In other words, life is good.

But now, I’m looking forward to this weekend. Coming up? The opportunity, along with the multitudes, to hear His Holiness the 14th Dalai Lama, speak at Qwest Field.

My good friend, Paris, “won” tickets to go see him, and she graciously invited me to go along (I’d been the one to tell her last Fall about his upcoming visit – good thing I did!). I have great respect for the Dalai Lama, and considering just what has been happening in Tibet the past couple of months, it should be a dynamic talk. I can’t wait to simply sit, and listen. We’ll hopefully take the time to go out for a bite afterwards and just talk about what we’ve heard. More important, though, is the fact that we should put into action some of what I’m sure he’ll touch on.

Not much else to report here. I’ll touch base next week as a follow-up to this event. I hope everyone is well! (and dealing with the unseasonable snow I know so many of you have had to endure!).