’til next time

When I started this blog in March 2007, it was intended to be a way to stay in easy contact with family and friends. All of our schedules are so full that a journal of my goings-on, thoughts, and photos – among assorted other paraphernalia – made sense. There are times when even e-mail becomes more a cumbersome obligation than a quick and easy way to stay in touch.

Unfortunately, it has also become something of a curiosity for a few. Rather sadly, these few monitor it not out of friendship, but only spite and maliciousness. I’ve actually known about this for some time, and have even been urged by the few friends who knew to shut the blog down. I resisted out of my own sense of defiance, I suppose, and a genuine sense of incredulousness. Plus, I’ve been bullied and intimidated long enough, and I had no intention of allowing that to continue. Enough is enough. How ironic it is that the person ultimately responsible for both those past issues as well as my current predicament is one in the same. Ironic, but not surprising.

But I can’t write to anyone about anything when I know such vile pettiness is looking over my shoulder, waiting only to strike. I’ve found great release, fun, creative expression and even joy in posting to this site over the past year+. But now, it’s being distorted for something far less joyful.

I didn’t come to this decision lightly, not by any stretch. In fact, I resent the hell out of it. I’ve found this blog to be therapeutic and in many ways, a daily (or semi-daily) journal during my time as a student. It’s also given me the opportunity to post information about issues of great concern to me, such as veterans care and advocacy, PTSD and more, like my love for American history and all kinds of music. I’ve posted some of my opinions about the war in Iraq – not always “popular” positions, but mine, nonetheless – and other current events. I’ve received comments and e-mails from people who share some of those same concerns and interests. That’s been a wonderful part of this.

But one of the most important things about the blog has (or had) been the fact that I was looking forward to sharing it with Jack one day, in the hope that he might glean some understanding of what my goals and dreams have been during this time, not only for me, but for us. I know it’s only a daily journal, really; the Magna Carta it ain’t. But most journals, and now blogs, are not. Still, they’re personal and expressive. And for me, I hoped that it would one day help Jack to gain even a little deeper understanding as to why I chose the path I did for our future, and why I’ve felt so committed to it and determined to do well.

Those choices have not been made for myself alone. But those who know and love me, know that.

So despite my reluctance, and sadness, for now I’ll have to say “Adios.”

When and if I begin a new blog, those whom I know, and trust, and love, will be given the information on where they can find me. I do intend to begin a new one. One thing’s clear, though: it’ll be damn private, preferably with a cyber lock and key, to keep the ignorant and small-minded at bay.

And oh, BTW: 3.97 cumulative for this 17-credit quarter. And I will never … have … to do it … again.

It’s been more than fun, folks. Bye for now.

 

Annnnnnnd… DONE!

Finis. Done. Another quarter – CHECK!

Assuming I’ve passed all my courses (yes, I’ll pass), I’ll be a senior. Yeah, I know – woo-hoo. Still, it’s a good feeling. Then three quarters to go and one huge personal goal will have been achieved – an even better feeling.

I’ve got an end-of-quarter get-together with a couple of friends this evening (a now regular thing) and a graduation party tomorrow night, at which Jack will no doubt be one of the hits of the party, since he’ll be going with me. It should be fun, and I’m looking forward to both.

Jack had his own end of the school year picnic today with his class. Despite the grey weather, they had lots of fun. Jack made a couple of new friends from preschool classes other than his own.

The photo is of Jack and his friends, Nicholas (in a giant Jack hug) and JJ (probably Jack’s best bud at school).

Have a great weekend, everybody. I’ll have Jack-Jack on Saturday and then he goes to his dad’s for Father’s Day.

Note to e-mail writers out there: Replies are on this weekend’s to-do list!

 

Mom and Finals

Mostly this is a posting to say that I’ve been thinking a lot of my mom, as she passed away 2 years ago today. So it’s been a particularly reflective day, even amongst all the end-of-quarter hubbub.

Having been an undergrad and grad student and then professor, I know Mom understood this time in a student’s life rhythms as well as anyone.

Mark and I went to place beautiful red roses near her urn today. It was really nice, actually, to have the chance to just sit and breathe, and reflect on her for a while, despite all the deadlines.

I love you, Mom. I miss you. But I’m listening to Nat King Cole as I write this, and thinking of the myriad ways in which I will always remember you, as mother, teacher, student, life-long learner, fisherwoman, outdoorswoman, Catholic, Christian, patriot, fellow history buff and classic movie lover, friend.

(And hopefully, I’ll be able to report to you a decent quarter’s grades in a couple of weeks! LOL… I’m sure you’d love that.)

And here, for all of you, is one of my mom’s favorite “sit and relax” pieces of music, from Ennio Morricone’s beautiful score to The Mission (1986).

 

Memorial Day, 2008

Another year on. Five+ years into yet another foray into failed diplomacy, among other, more sinister things.

Still, this gives us another chance to reflect on something of imminently greater importance than just how many hot dog buns should be picked up at Costco for this year’s “Kickoff to Summer!” barbecue.

What I will reflect upon, instead, is my profound gratitude to the servicepeople who have, during this past year, given everything that was in their power to give.

And their families. Let us never forget those whose lives have been forever changed by that ultimate of sacrifices.

I will observe the 3 PM “Moment of Silence,” and Remembrance, for all those who have lost their lives in service to this country.

Wherever you may be, please do take a moment to remember. We may all espouse the rights, and demands, and particular preclusions of liberty. In the end, they have died for them.

Consider the following to be an addendum to my Memorial Day, 2007 posting; God willing, there will be fewer of these in the future.

The Memorial Day postings will continue, however. It should be our collective privilege to remember.

*******

U.S. Forces Wounded in Iraq and Afghanistan, to 23 May 2008: 32,076

Coalition Forces Killed in Action in Iraq, Memorial Day 2007 – 23 May 2008: 647

Coalition Forces Killed in Action in Afghanistan, Memorial Day 2007 – 23 May 2008: 220

*******

 

The Invisible Wounds of War

Okay. It’s time for a veterans’ care update. It’ll be short, so don’t freak.

I’ve been meaning to put this up for the past month, since the day it came out, but have been short of time for posting anything, of late (I suppose one post about every 10 days kinda illustrates that, huh).

In any case, the RAND Corporation – the nation’s largest policy-analyzing, reporting-to-the-Office-of-the-Secretary-of-Defense, (rather clannish) group – recently released a report on estimates for the prevalence of posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and other conditions among OIF/OEF veterans. This is the most extensive report of its kind to date; the entire thing runs 500 pages.

I’ve downloaded that, and have even begun to read through it, believe it or not (makes for some real light reading), but will instead post the 19-page summary, here.

The estimates are not pretty. In fact, they’re rather horrifying. It is being predicted, conservatively, that 18-22% of veterans from this war will suffer from PTSD, major depression and/or traumatic brain injury (TBI) or mTBI (the “mild” version). Further, there is a high incidence of co-morbidity among these conditions.

Either way, “one-in-five” is a staggering ratio.

I just wanted to put something up that really means something. If you have even 20 minutes to browse through this, to see what these hundreds of thousands of young men and women will be grappling with and going through in the years to come, then please – take that amount of time to familiarize yourself with this. Just over half the personnel who have deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan over the past five years – that’s more than 800,00 people, folks – are between the ages of 20 and 29, and this war will be affecting them for, presumably, the greater portion of their lives.

The upshot is that we, as a nation, will need to begin to deal with this war, whether some of us want to or not.

I’m off to bed. Time to try and get refreshed for another day of reading, writing, researching (about things such as this, and more) and feeling grateful that I have a wonderful and special son whom I adore (and who WOWS me every day with his special brand of sweetness) as well as supportive and loving people in my life.

G’night.

 

Attack of the Killer Bubbles

In the midst of mid- to end-of-quarter insanity, I took time out today to enjoy, truly enjoy, the fierce energy that is a 4-year-old. Two of them, actually, as Jack and I spent time with his friend, Jessy, while her parents were off doing grown-up stuff. Tons o’ Fun ensued, and it was a wonderful day, as the photo will hopefully attest, of Darth Jack taking aim at the bubble horde with his trusty Batman lightsaber.

Wanted to let y’all know I’m alive, kicking, going a little nuts with 17 credits (did I expect anything else?), but it’s a good nuts. My classes are pretty good, for the most part, and I’m feeling a little more energized than I was at the beginning of the quarter, when I felt something more along the lines of, WhatthehellamIdoingtheseinaneassignmentsfor, whenallIreallywanttodoisgetthehelloutthereandfuckingworkforveterans?! But everything in its own time – I know that. I just had to get over the hump, I guess.

The presentation on TBI and PTSD gave me an assist with that in a BIG way, actually. I am so glad I was able to attend. I learned as much, and more, than I was hoping. As much as anything, that one day helped re-focus and remind me of just what I’m really doing in school, and what I’m finishing the degree for.

The early morning drive up to Leavenworth was beautiful, as well, and it gave me some Me time. Well, Me and John Denver, that is (gotta have his tunes when driving into the mountains. Some things will never change!). My current banner photo is one I took from the deck of the hotel where the conference was being held. It was a gorgeous Spring day and the mountains were covered in snow. The Hills were definitely ALIVE that day.

And… HAPPY MOM’S DAY TO ALL YOU WONDERFUL MAMAs OUT THERE! Take a break for just a little while from your motherly duties, cares, and stresses. C’mon… you know you deserve it.

Jack and I are going to sample what the opening Sunday of this season’s farmer’s market at Third Place Books has to offer. It being Mother’s Day and the first day of the season, it should be kinda fun for the two of us (barring a downpour). I’m making a concerted effort to buy more locally-grown produce, and would like for Jack to one day understand why (guess the Tree Class made a dent, eh Steph?). If you haven’t yet, check out the book I recommended from last quarter, Deep Economy by Bill McKibben. If you haven’t really thunk about all this stuff before, this book will get your mind going and your ass moving – hopefully with a smaller ass(foot)print to show for it.

 

Brown bears, red birds and purple “tats”

Just wanted to post this 15-second clip of Jack-Jack having some fun – sitting in a hole of dirt he dug himself (sunny days and playing in the dirt just go together somehow), and singing the “Brown Bear” song he’d learned at school. Rather a huge development for a kid who, for most of his life, hasn’t talked. He remembered all of the verses in order, too (better than Mom did, and I’ve read that book to him a hundred times!). Needless to say, there isn’t enough memory in my regular camera, which is what I used to take this with, to capture the entire rendition – not that most people would want to watch it, anyway. But he just kept going on and on and on, through to the very end of the song. Very sweet. Very cool.

A very proud, albeit brief, Mama moment. Just had to share.